“We Klingons often tout our prowess in battle, our desire for glory and honor above all else… but how hollow is the sound of victory without someone to share it with? Honor gives little comfort to a man alone in his home… and in his heart.” I am sure that all of you were aware that today is Valentine’s Day. For your own sake, if you are in a relationship I hope that you know what today was. Yet, for many, it is little more than a reminder of what one does not have. Even if you are content in your singleness, I imagine that there are times when the Star Trek quote resonates with you. Let me encourage you with this, life was never meant to be lived alone whether we are married or single.
You Are Not Alone this Valentine’s Day
If you are single this Valentine’s day, know that there are many people in the circumstance. People are waiting longer and longer to get married. The article gives us this data, “Young marrieds are a vanishing breed. In 1980, the average American male married at 25; the average woman at 22, U.S. Census data shows. Today, the average first-time groom is 30, and the bride is 28.” Additionally, a Harvard study found that 61% of adults aged 18-25 were seriously lonely. Now, the question is, is this how God intended us to be?
Living Life with Others
First, let us remember that God did not make mankind to live in isolation. After God created the earth, man and all creatures, except Eve, He said that it was good. Yet, despite it being good, there was no helper suitable for Adam, and God saw that it was not good for man to be alone (Genesis 2:18-22). We were designed for community. At the same time, there is never any promise for us to get married, and scripture tells us that it can be a blessing to be single (1 Corinthians 7:25-35). What hope is there for lonely people on Valentine’s Day or any other time?
A Cure for Loneliness
Although, we are not promised marriage, we are commanded to participate in something that should help with loneliness. The author of Hebrews commands us, “Let us hold fast the confession of our hope without wavering, for He who promised is faithful; and let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:23-25) Look at how the early church operated:
So then, those who had received his word were baptized; and that day there were added about three thousand souls. They were continually devoting themselves to the apostles’ teaching and to fellowship, to the breaking of bread and to prayer. Everyone kept feeling a sense of awe; and many wonders and signs were taking place through the apostles. And all those who had believed were together and had all things in common; and they began selling their property and possessions and were sharing them with all, as anyone might have need. Day by day continuing with one mind in the temple, and breaking bread from house to house, they were taking their meals together with gladness and sincerity of heart, praising God and having favor with all the people. And the Lord was adding to their number day by day those who were being saved.
Acts 2:41-47
How much would this alleviate our loneliness if we committed to living like this as Christians? How lonely would we be if we regularly gathered and eating together, sharing one another’s burdens to Jesus calls us to do and be more than just be a believer. Nor is this meant to be boring. Did you know that Jesus was accused of being a drunkard and a glutton? We see that very accusation in Matthew 11:14. I am not going to pretend this makes being single easy, even when I have been part of communities that operated like this I still longed and long for romantic connection. The community sure helped lessen the difficulty.
Regrets this Valentine’s Day
On this Valentine’s Day, you may also be battling regret on top of loneliness. As Oswald Chambers put it, “Oh, the deep, unending sadness for what might have been!” You might be second-guessing whether you should have said yes to someone instead of no. Maybe you are wondering if you should have taken a risk with this person or that person and asked them out. On the other hand, you might be questioning why you ended this relationship, or did something to cause a relationship to end. I think some wisdom from John Avery Whittaker and Adventures in Odyssey will help:
Connie: Whit, is it wrong to regret a decision we’ve made?
Whit: Hmm, well it’s normal to wonder about our decisions, but healthy only if we learn from them for the future. Otherwise it’s dangerous. We can get lost in a game of “What if?”
Connie: What if?
Whit: What If we decided differently? We could go crazy imagining things we’ve given up, or how things would be different, if we’re missing out somehow.Connie: Yeah
Adventures in Odyssey, “Something Old, Something New, Part 2”
Whit: Thinking that way is destructive. It’s not part of life of faith in Jesus. In Him we have what is: the life now that prepares us for the life to come. Second guessing the past has no place there.
When we deal with regrets, we should take comfort in this fact: “And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose.” (Romans 8:28) We likely will never get an answer for all the questions and doubts we have about our past. Nonetheless, this Valentine’s Day and every day, we can know that they will work for our good in the end.
Final Encouragement for this Valentine’s Day
Let me leave you with some final encouraging words this Valentine’s Day. If we abide in Christ, Jesus promises we will bear fruit. What kind of fruit can we have confidence in receiving? Scripture tells us that the Spirit gives us joy, peace, patience, and more. These things benefit us at all times, but especially when we are single and lonely. I talk more about having hope in every circumstance in my first first blog post.
Thank you for reading. God bless and happy Valentine’s Day!
